Improve emotional intelligence - 3 MOST EFFECTIVE ways

Emotional Self Awareness

Self awareness is the awareness about who you are - your thoughts, emotions, and passions. It is about understanding how you became the person you are, and using that knowledge to take command of your life and shape your world the way you want it. Emotional Self Awareness is a specific subset of this self awareness - Emotional self awareness is the ability to understand your emotions, and their impact on your life and relationships.
Emotional self awareness helps you be more aware of how you feel around certain people in certain situations. It helps you figure out why you feel the certain way - what in that moment is causing that emotion, whether that's a positive emotion such as happiness or excitement, or a negative emotion such as sadness or anxiety. You understand what you need in that moment to feel better when you're experiencing a negative emotion, and to really soak-in and enjoy the moments when you experience a positive emotion.

It changes how you see yourself by making you more aware of how others see you - how they think about you. When you're able to identify and understand your emotions when someone interacts with you about you a certain way, it helps you understand your impact on others and their impact on you. Even more importantly, it helps you become aware of how you want to seen, how you want others to perceive you, interact with, treat you!

And of course, over time, this helps you feel empowered to bring that change - to feel confident in yourself, and surround yourself with people who see you for who you are, and treat you and interact with you the you want them to.

When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.
Dale Carnegie

Know Your Why

Your why is rooted in your happiness, your desires, what you really value - that's the root of your emotions, isn't it. And that's what's important in understanding emotional self awareness..... that it's not just about feeling happy, it's more importantly about why. It's not JUST what you're feeling, but why are you feeling what you're feeling.
Why are you anxious? Why are you excited? Why are you happy? The why defines your expectations and your emotions.

Learn Your Triggers

Learning abut your triggers help you learn how you are likely to respond to particular situations, and invite certain reactions from others. It helps you understand how these reactions and responses help you manage your emotions in that moment, and what impact they have long-term.
This process of learning your triggers requires two steps:
  1. Recognizing your emotions
  2. Recognizing the source of your emotion
The first step - recognizing your emotions just help you put a label to your experience, which overtime helps you notice the more subtle differences in what you're experiencing. It also helps you recognize the triggers sooner and sooner, which can really help you keep developing your emotional intelligence to higher and higher levels.
So don't just ignore your emotions - they can be a valuable resource of information, and can help you make rational decisions. I encourage you to download an emotional vocabulary guide that I prepared.

Practice empathy

You might be thinking "empathy"- isn't that something that you either have or not. And the answer is no - research has shown over and over again that empathy is a learned skill, and something you can develop as well - and pretty easily at that.
All it takes is putting yourself in other person's shoes - thinking about how you would feel if you were in that situation, or what might be some reasons why the other person is feeling or acting the way they are. And just like the other two ways, this one also gets easier with time, and you get better and better at it, as you keep practicing it.
Okay, I want to share a potential pitfall with you guys that's a very common reason why people fail in their efforts to develop emotional intelligence, and how you can avoid that. But first, if you're getting any value out of this video, then please let me know by hitting that like button, and consider sharing with your friends and loved ones.

Potential pitfalls

A potential pitfall I want to highlight in developing your emotional intelligence is to focus on just the emotional intelligence, but not focusing on the broader concept of self awareness. Emotional awareness is definitely about your understanding your emotions, but the process doesn't stop there - it's about getting clarity about yourself and others, the clarity about situation.
When you focus only on emotional intelligence, and not other aspects of self awareness, then you still become more aware of your emotions and develop "emotional intelligence," but you makes sense of these emotions based on limited understanding of the broader concept.
This is where you end-up blaming others around you, or feeling helpless in a situation, or putting the responsibility to making you feel better on others, which then translates into expectations - only to eventually lead to more frustration, sadness, and anger.
An easy solution to this is to work on your emotional intelligence, but also work on understanding yourself as a person - how you came to be who you are, what is that you desire in life and relationships, and what makes you happy and excited.

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