But that often also means that your conversations become boring. Because you don't allow yourselves to become vulnerable and go deeper, you keep talking about the superficial stuff like what's for dinner or what tv shows you are watching. And where's the fun or excitement in that?
The second reason why the calmer stage of a relationship can feel boring is that you're not used to being in healthy, long-term relationships. This might sound weird, but unhealthy relationships have a lot of ups and downs, sort of like emotional roller coasters that can be as thrilling as they are draining.
But as with most things in life and relationships, there is a deeper layer here. The ups and downs of an unhealthy relationship can keep you on your toes. Not because you're so happy in them, but rather because you spend a lot of time thinking about whether you both like each other, or if the relationship will work out, what it's going to look like, and so on.
It's not just the uncertainty of a relationship that makes it more exciting, but rather the investment you make in such relationships because of that uncertainty. By contrast, the stability of a healthy relationship - with no drama or worry about a failing relationship doesn't force you to be thinking about your partner all the time. But that doesn't mean that you can't keep emotionally investing in your relationship.
So the essence of all these three ways of stopping your relationship from becoming boring is to prevent your life from being stagnant. To fall into a passive routine without doing things that make you and your partner feel special.
The first of these things is to keep dating your partner. When was the last time that you and your partner planned a date night? Where you dressed up separately to wow each other with your looks, to go out for a movie or dinner, and took a stroll while holding hands and talking until late at night?
One of the biggest mistakes couples make in the calmer phase of a relationship is that they stop dating each other. They stop dressing up to impress one another. The excitement of planning a special evening fades away. The feeling of going out and spending quality time away from your routine - to feel special and loved - becomes less noticeable.
So don't fall into that trap of comfort. It will be a little more work to do all that rather than sitting in your pajamas and watching Netflix like every other day of your week. But, it will keep the spark in your relationship alive.
The second thing is to keep having meaningful conversations with your partner. Often we become so comfortable in a relationship that we start believing that we know all that there is to know about our partner. But that's such a common mistake because you can never really know everything there is to know about someone.
So start carving out time for one another - to ask about how each other's day was. Which parts of their day were rough? And what things made them happy - and why? Why were they important to them?
And the third thing you can do to stop your relationship from becoming boring is to have shared goals - Things that you are working towards together. It could be a DIY project around the house that you are both into, or it could be taking dance or cooking classes together.
The purpose here is to not only do things together. Of course, the quality time spent together will be helpful, but what's more important is that you are growing together.
Because people are going to grow in life, and as a couple, you have a choice - Either you grow apart, or you grow together, or you grow apart. By having shared goals, you ensure that you grow stronger and closer together and keep the fun and spark in your relationship alive.
