Why Relationship Gets BORING? 3 Ways to Fix it!

Every new relationship is exciting. There is the thrill of learning about the person you are so into, the possibility of finding your "forever love," the fun of going on dates, and feeling wanted and appreciated. These are all super exciting parts of a new relationship.
 
But with time, every relationship changes. Sometimes, that change can start to feel like your relationship is becoming boring and can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction or even unhappiness in a relationship.
 
So does every relationship become boring - The answer isn't a simple yes or no. Every relationship does evolve. The initial excitement and thrill do settle down into something calmer. That can feel a little bland compared to the constant excitement you feel in a relationship's early stages.
 
I like to think of these early excitements of a relationship as islands of happiness. All the emotions peak when you are with this person. In-between your dates, you are impatiently waiting to arrive at the next island. But with time, these peak excitements settle down into something more calm, consistent, and reliable.
 
And there are 2 reasons why this calmer stage of a relationship feels different than the islands of happiness:
 
The first is that you are no longer trying to understand the basic things about the person. You already know their favorite color, the favorite movie, and what activities they like to do. Now it's time for deeper conversations - to get to know each other more deeply and more intimately, which can be tough. It can be tricky because it requires more communication and requires a greater level of vulnerability.
 
It can be hard to share the unpleasant memories from your past or your childhood. Even when you know that sharing these experiences will help your partner understand how you came to be the person they love so much. And because of this awkwardness - this hesitation - most couples don't even explore those deeper layers of each other's life.

Do what you did in the beginning of a relationship and there won't be an end.
Anthony Robbins
But that often also means that your conversations become boring. Because you don't allow yourselves to become vulnerable and go deeper, you keep talking about the superficial stuff like what's for dinner or what tv shows you are watching. And where's the fun or excitement in that?
 
And if this is you, then check out my 2 videos on vulnerability in relationships that will rekindle that excitement for you and your partner to learn about each other more deeply.
 
The second reason why the calmer stage of a relationship can feel boring is that you're not used to being in healthy, long-term relationships. This might sound weird, but unhealthy relationships have a lot of ups and downs, sort of like emotional roller coasters that can be as thrilling as they are draining.
 
But as with most things in life and relationships, there is a deeper layer here. The ups and downs of an unhealthy relationship can keep you on your toes. Not because you're so happy in them, but rather because you spend a lot of time thinking about whether you both like each other, or if the relationship will work out, what it's going to look like, and so on.
 
It's not just the uncertainty of a relationship that makes it more exciting, but rather the investment you make in such relationships because of that uncertainty.  By contrast, the stability of a healthy relationship - with no drama or worry about a failing relationship doesn't force you to be thinking about your partner all the time. But that doesn't mean that you can't keep emotionally investing in your relationship.
 
So the essence of all these three ways of stopping your relationship from becoming boring is to prevent your life from being stagnant. To fall into a passive routine without doing things that make you and your partner feel special.
 
The first of these things is to keep dating your partner. When was the last time that you and your partner planned a date night? Where you dressed up separately to wow each other with your looks, to go out for a movie or dinner, and took a stroll while holding hands and talking until late at night?
 
One of the biggest mistakes couples make in the calmer phase of a relationship is that they stop dating each other. They stop dressing up to impress one another. The excitement of planning a special evening fades away. The feeling of going out and spending quality time away from your routine - to feel special and loved - becomes less noticeable.
 
So don't fall into that trap of comfort. It will be a little more work to do all that rather than sitting in your pajamas and watching Netflix like every other day of your week. But, it will keep the spark in your relationship alive.
 
The second thing is to keep having meaningful conversations with your partner. Often we become so comfortable in a relationship that we start believing that we know all that there is to know about our partner. But that's such a common mistake because you can never really know everything there is to know about someone.
 
So start carving out time for one another - to ask about how each other's day was. Which parts of their day were rough? And what things made them happy - and why? Why were they important to them?
 
And the third thing you can do to stop your relationship from becoming boring is to have shared goals - Things that you are working towards together. It could be a DIY project around the house that you are both into, or it could be taking dance or cooking classes together.
 
The purpose here is to not only do things together. Of course, the quality time spent together will be helpful, but what's more important is that you are growing together.
 
Because people are going to grow in life, and as a couple, you have a choice - Either you grow apart, or you grow together, or you grow apart. By having shared goals, you ensure that you grow stronger and closer together and keep the fun and spark in your relationship alive.

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